I have weighed and attempted all of my options. I dove the lowest of lows. I reached the highest height. I drove the path-less-traveled. I have chased all the pavements leading nowhere. I read the manual. I watched the DIY videos. I took baby steps. I leapfrogged it. I walked around the coffee table to breathe, stop and think. I have gone in and outside the box. I mix and match, switch and swoosh around, latter, rinse, repeat. I followed the instructional reference guide once, twice, thrice… my saliva on page 15.
I have been dreaming about it. I’ve exerted all of my effort on it. I’ve given all my sweat, blood, tears and urine. My focus was fixated on it. There was no other priorities. Schedules needed not updated. I’ve forgetten about anything else. I’m dwelling on it. It became my obsession. It’s my drug, my unreachable star, my unscrewable screw. My whole world’s around it.
I’ve consulted an expert. I followed my instinct. I’ve tossed a coin. I’ve prayed, chanted, and I bargained. It’s prodding me, mocking me, crawling in my sleep. It’s echoing. Should I have not started it? Should I skip, gundeck or just let it be? Should I have not been goal-oriented, or stubborn? Should I start anew? What if’s, should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, it’s all killing me inside.
For a little bit, I played with it. I joked, mimicked it and then laughed at it. I’ve danced my way around it. I ended up trying to reason with it. I’ve done my not-enough best. I’ve sung til my heart’s content. I’ve heard the fat lady sang. I’ve traveled, and traveled far. I’ve seen the darkness at the end of the lighted tunnel. I’ve injured myself and everything around me. I’ve beaten myself to death. I broke my own rules. I disobeyed the book of etiquettes. I’ve exhausted it all. Yet,
I failed. After everything and anything, I raised the white flag. Head down on the ground at a corner of a room. Unsuccessful. Defeated. Disappointed. This puzzle I just cannot piece together.
Have I made really made my peace with it?
No matter how much I’ve tried and tried, there are just some things I can’t do. There are just some things that won’t ever change. Unfortunately, there’s just no way to make bones for a jellyfish.
My most favorite blogger writer of all, Arindam. Being Arindam is a blog full of insightful, thought-provoking, attention-grabbing, creative and often-bold and stimulating articles. My most favorite is this tender, inspiring, exciting read written in a bit peculiar way, “I too had a small Love Story“. And if you do click the link, make sure to meet his niece, Googlie.